Seems like the hater/spread-justifier comments are falling into a few repetitive categories:
- Having balls is harrrrrd
- Why aren’t you being nice like girls should, you cuntface bitch?
- Why don’t women just ASK the guy to sit more compactly?
The first two are just laugh material. The third one, though.. that one really gets me. I’m a fairly straightforward person, in that I usually ask for what I want, or say what I’m thinking, though I try to say/ask in ways that are respectful and polite. Civility makes for less stress, and damn it, it’s the right thing to do and a tasty way to do it.
HOWEVER. I never, ever say ANYTHING to strange men on public transportation. I have - twice. The first time, I asked a guy to move his backpack on a crowded BART train so I could sit down. He yelled “Fuck off, bitch!". Okay. Fine, he was a douchebag; I went on with life, tra la la.
The second time, though, is the reason I’m writing this, and I REALLY HOPE ALL YOU FOLKS WHO THINK IT’S JUST SAFE AND DANDY TO TALK TO STRANGE MEN ON BUSES READ THIS. I was on the Muni bus, riding to work one morning. The seat next to me was empty. I was up toward the front of the bus, in full view of the driver’s big rearview mirror. The bus was about half full (I’m a transit optimist).
A man got on the bus. He was large, and he walked/stood in a very aggressive way - looking around at everyone, hands on hips, legs wide, fast movements - just a very, very tough-guy asshole vibe. There were other seats he could have taken, but he saw the seat next to me and - no kidding - SLAM/DROPPED into it, slamming into me, squashing me up against the window. I pulled out my (useless) earbuds, and said something like, “Hey! Get off me!". This, apparently, was not the cowering, submissive, fearful response he had hoped to elicit; so he kept his body pressed, hard, into me, pushing with his feet, putting his face right up against mine: “You feel uncomfortable, bitch? You wanna say something? You got something to SAY?" When I turned my head, he bent around the front of me and got in my face again. I asked the people in the bus - who were staring in horror - for help. They just looked down. I saw the bus driver watching this happen in the rearview and asked HIM for help. His question to me, bizarrely, was: “Do you know this guy?" - as if that mattered?? “I don’t know him! Can you please do something? I need help!" I yelled. The driver kept on driving, though he gave a guilty look from time to time.
My stop was next. I got really pissed off, and stuck out my elbow, jamming the asshole repeatedly until he kinda HAD to back up a bit. The more I insisted on not being space-raped, the more angry he got. What he wanted, I am CERTAIN, was the little rush of pleasure he gets from the power that comes with being male - from being able to exploit women’s understandable fear of being hurt/raped/beaten/threatened. You know - a little pick-me-up to start his day off right. And I was not complying with the whimpering and tears that would have been the frosting to the cupcake of his morning.
The bus stopped. I shoved my way past the guy, him grabbing at my ass and calling me bitch/cunt/whore/blah blah for fuck’s sake snoorrrre. The usual cavalcade of insulting terms. I was shaking when I got off the bus. Told the driver “Thanks for being so helpful back there, man."
Walking the four blocks from the bus stop to my work, I suddenly heard footsteps behind me - walking, then running, and then there was an explosion and the world went white.
The fucking low-life cowardly douchebag had actually followed me off the bus, ran after me, and punched me hard on the side of my head. I fell down, he ran off, and that was that.
tl;dr: Don’t make stupid assumptions that women should just ask strange men to move on public transportation; just do not. The inculcated sense of entitlement that makes (some) men think it’s okay to sprawl out on two seats on a crowded bus, amped to its extremes, is the same attitude that makes (again, some, hopefully fewer) men think it’s both fun to terrorize women, and to physically punish them when they do not respond with submissive quailing.
Seriously - This. And it’s not just a random event - this stuff happens ALL THE TIME on Muni/BART.